I hadn’t seen my friend Nthabiseng in close on two years, and we made plans to meet for brunch. Alas the brunch fell smack in the middle of my vegan experiment, so there would be no eggs and bacon for me.
A friend told me about a vegetarian/vegan cafe not far from where I live, and I figured this was a good opportunity to try something new, especially since the availability of eggs and dairy meant that Nthabi wouldn’t be forced to suffer my fate.
There were two options on the menu that caught my attention. My choices were somewhat limited by the abundance of avocado in most meals, a fruit to which I am sadly allergic. I forsook the spinach, mushroom and tomato panini for something that I would never eat otherwise: tofu scramble.
It was served on health bread with slivered almonds, rocket and tomato salsa. It was awful.
Before I ordered I googled “what does tofu scramble taste like?” and got no satisfactory answers. I hope that if other experimental gourmands google the same this pops up. It tastes nothing like scramble. It tastes like nothing. The addition of pesto in the scramble didn’t do anything for the taste. The closest I can get to describing it in taste and texture is that it’s something like ackee. We escaped this cafe and went to a place that served wine, and ordered a bottle of bubbles.
If you are an omnivore and someone offers you tofu scramble, decline.
On the positive, the cafe had proper freshly-squeezed orange juice which was beautifully presented.
Isn’t that gorgeous?
Yeah, so lesson of the day. Only eat things where you can recognize what they’re made of. Tofu scramble looks nothing like soy beans; therefore do not eat tofu scramble.